Navigating Holiday Events in Recovery (To Go or Not to Go)

I always find it hardest to stay sober during the holidays. My biggest challenge is deciding whether or not to go to parties and events. How do I decide?

There are lights, presents, music, joy—and loneliness, trauma, and triggers. As happy as the holidays are, they aren’t easy for everyone. And if you’re in recovery or know someone who is, the holidays can feel like the olympics; facing hurdle after hurdle of exhausting challenges (parties, memories, emotions) in a mad dash to make it to January 2. 

Whether people are expecting you to be at parties or events or you’re craving social time to help you get through the season, you might feel pressure to show up, even knowing that a certain situation or person might be a trigger for you. So how do you decide when to go and when to sit it out?

1. Are there going to be supportive people at the party/event you’re going to?

Having people who know and support you can make a huge difference in how you feel before, during, and after an outing or event. And if you don’t have a support friend where you’re going, but you’re still determined to make an appearance, make sure you have someone to text or call.

2. Are the people there or situations going to trigger you?

Number one: If you can avoid a triggering person or situation, you should, and you do not have to feel guilty for choosing yourself and putting your health and safety first. If you are going somewhere that you know you’ll have to face a trigger, it’s best to think ahead about how you’re going to handle it. Have a person you can talk to, have a plan, have a sobriety meeting set up.

3. Is the party/event going to have recovery-friendly things to do/enjoy?

Know yourself and where you are. Maybe being at a bar with work friends is okay if it serves good food. Maybe food isn’t enough. In general, the more sober-friendly the environment, the better. Try to steer towards events that center around things to do that aren’t drinking: games, music or entertainment, friends who are also in recovery. Supportive party hosts might be open to stocking your favorite alcohol-free drinks if you feel comfortable asking. While alcohol substitutes like non-alcoholic beers, wines, and even spirits are rising in popularity, people in recovery might find these triggering. It’s best to stick to sodas and teas or warm holiday drinks like hot cocoa.

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Visalia Recovery Center’s CEO, Nolen Burchett, was featured on KFSN ABC 30 helping people in Fresno and Visalia understand that “the holiday season can bring joy, but it can also trigger negative emotions and behaviors.”

The American Psychological Association reports nearly nine in 10 adults said that something causes them stress during the holidays.

“The holidays can be really tough for people, especially for those who struggle with substance abuse,” Burchett said.

If you already know what’s going to disturb your peace this holiday season, start preparing for it now. Making a plan for your wellbeing in advance is a good way to take the pressure off, and know what to do if you find yourself struggling. The most important thing to remember is that you aren’t alone, and support is literally just a phone call away.